I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
