You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
