just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
