I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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