I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I need to align my fucking chakras
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
