Slut skills are useful in every country.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
