i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
