Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
