Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Randomize
