My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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