i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
