I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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