Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
