Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
