does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
