If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
