She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
