Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
