So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
