I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
