Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
