1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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