Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
