I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i came on her dog
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
