Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
