Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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