my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
