by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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