Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
