i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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