nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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