just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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