so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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