"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
