kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
