If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
