my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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