Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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