We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
