its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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