non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
