Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
