'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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