you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
