in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
