were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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