u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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