It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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