Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
