I cockslap morals
You can't special order awesome
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
