It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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