Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
