im holly from the hills drunk
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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